The Day I lost my way

My spirit was crushed. I had just gone through yet another painful breakup. I had a beautiful little boy who's father had left me several years earlier. You might think that the day I was left pregnant at 19 would have been the day that broke my spirit, but it wasn't. I had a lot of fight in me then. I had hope for the future with my baby on the way. I had recently made a decision to get my life on track and that just gave me more resolve. I knew I wanted to give him a better life. I was determined to provide a loving home and a supportive upbringing. Yet, as the years went by, the struggles mounted, and the pain of broken relationships and financial hardships pressed down on me.

It was one of the coldest days on record. I was on my way to pick up my tender heated little boy from his after school program. I had been in such despair that I was barely functioning as a parent.


As I drove my car, crying out to God about all the heartache I was feeling, it was as if every hurt I had ever felt, every injustice, every wrong decision, every painful memory from my past was baring on my soul. Everything seemed hopeless. I was in total blackness. Except for that precious little boy who was waiting for me to pick him up. I thought he'd probably be better off with my sister. She could give him a better life.

I had been beaten up by life circumstances, I felt like I was dealt the final blow. I was shattered. I'd never recover from this battle. How could I? I had been through the gates of hell and I couldn't see my way back.

At some point I had gotten off track. It was as if someone else was driving my car. I wound up driving along the river, drawn toward the depth of the sea. There is a boat ramp where I had pasted countless times growing up. From somewhere deep in my mind, the thought came to me that I should just drive myself into the icy water. I'd surrender to the darkness and be out of my misery.

When I got to the boat ramp, there were people there. I thought, "What the heck are they doing in the middle of winter!" (I cleaned it up a little) Then something snapped me out of my state. It was as though another force had taken over the driving. I drove past the ramp and I got back on track and went to pick up my son. When I got home (this was before cell phones) I called a close friend and told her what happened. Through her help, and the help of others, I began to find my way back. I knew that I never had to go back to that horrible place again. That alone, gave me some peace of mind. I realized that I couldn't leave my little boy behind like that. I couldn't let him grow up without either parent. His father had abandoned him and then me? That was not the legacy I wanted to leave for him. I had to do better for him no matter what. It was a long and bumpy road, but with guidance, and a lot of prayer, I found my way.

It has been many years since that day. Life hasn't been easy. There are struggles and challenges every day. Through the ups and downs of life, there hasn't been a time since, when I wished I'd ended it. I take what comes my way and live each day to the best of my ability. I learn and grow as I go.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The wreckage it brings to loved ones is immeasurable. We are resilient. The human spirit has an amazing ability to triumph over seemingly insurmountable odds. There is nothing in our lives so devastating, that we can not overcome or recover from it.We hear stories all the time about people who face situations and make it through against all odds. Each and every one of us had that same ability to stretch, learn and grow through anything life dishes out. We were created and equipped with the everything we need.

If you've lost your way, you can find your way back. Ask for help. Don't try to do it alone. If you are struggling, and you're considering ending your life, please call someone. Call a friend or family member and tell them what's going on. There is a way up and out of the pit of despair. No matter what the situation, there is a solution. Share your burden. There are many caring people who are trained and dedicated to helping others. I am one of them. If you go to my website,  you will find my contact info. If I am not able to help you, I will find someone who is.
http://empoweringlifestrategies.co/